The Malephabet
An archive of all words male.

Jul
04

One’s & Two’s – noun, referencing breasts. synonym of tits, boobs, busty, etc.

"Halepllujah! Simona's one's & two's were like nine's & ten's until she slapped God in the mouth by getting a breast reduction."

"Halepllujah! Simona's one's & two's were like nine's & ten's until she slapped God in the mouth by getting a breast reduction."

Origin – derived from DJ turntable equipment due to the circular design of vinyl.

One’s & Two’s should be used to describe breasts on the go, especially when you have to remain discreet. Take note, this descriptor is only suitable for large breasts. If you’re not able to openly gawk, drool, or stand dumbstruck, you should probably hit your friend on the arm and let him know to check for the one’s and two’s on her.

"Lucy Pinder's One's & Two's are oh so lovely."

"Lucy Pinder's One's & Two's are oh so lovely."

Addendum: One’s and Two’s can be adjusted based upon the size of the boobies you’re staring at – thus a DD cup might very well be Five’s & Six’s – this changes the usage of this term from a noun to an adjective should this be the option you utilize.

"The best part of one's & two's, besides playing with them, is figuring out what number they should be."

"The best part of one's & two's, besides playing with them, is figuring out what number they should be."

Advertisements
Jul
03

Neurotic – adjective, describing another’s personality. Synonym of aberrant, anxious, compulsive, deviant, distraught, disturbed, erratic, manic, maladjusted, mental, unstable.

"Woody Allen is the spokesperson for Neurotic motherfuckers."

"Woody Allen is the posterboy for Neurotic motherfuckers."

(Noo-rot-ik) Origin – Ancient Greece – man these people were handy at coming up with words to put other people down, weren’t they?

Neurotic people are unfortunate souls living in a constant state of distress, finding flaw or failure at nearly every turn. These people are typically recognizable by their tendency to become over-anxious or over-react to basic life challenges. Their aberrant behaviors set them apart from society – usually because people are turned-off by neurotic eccentricities or because they lack the time, patience, or faculties to cope with the unknown.

"Guaranteed to be neurotic about her AMAZING body."

"Guaranteed to be neurotic about her AMAZING body."

Neurotic people are a hard quantity to predict and that is what makes them exceptionally fun to be around. So much of life becomes routine, that you need the occasional shake-up to keep life lively and worthwhile. So for all you stick-in-the-mud bore-fests, go find yourself someone mildly neurotic and get them reacting. You’ll have a blast and make some great memories along the way!

"Zey call me Zigmund Freud, come zit on my couch... You love your mother and that makes you neurotic."

"Zey call me Zigmund Freud, come zit on my couch... You love your mother and that makes you neurotic."

Jul
02

Moron – adjective, describing someone’s capacity for reason and rationality. Synonym of ass-hat, brain-dead asshole, cretin, dimwit, dingbat, dolt, dumb-shit, fool, fucktard, idiot, idjit, imbecile, lamebrain, loony, meathead, mental midget, neanderthal, nitwit, numbskull.

"This moron clearly wasn't thinking things through."

"This moron clearly wasn't thinking things through. The purple really clashes with his natural skin tones."

(Mor-ahn) Origin – Ancient Greeks called the dumb-fucks that ran their city-states into the ground moros (morons) – it just stuck.

From a psychological perspective, morons have the approximate mental age of a pre-teen, but who fucking cares what those quacks define it as? What’s important is this: stay away from morons when you realize they’re nearby – all they do is create aggravation. You know that person that you have to explain the simplest concepts to six times in the exact same words? That’s a fucking moron for you – forcing you to invest extra time, extra effort just to get them on the same page as everyone else. I say we get them all special identification badges – http://www.moronregistry.com

"This would be a great requirement for the morons in your life."

"This would be a great requirement for the morons in your life."

Addendum: Morons can also be identified by their lack of reasoning skills, their inability to follow simple concepts, their disinterest in anything intelligent or academic, a general need to create anger and destruction in the lives of others, and a desire to fuck things up for other people.

Jul
01

Loner – noun, referencing another. Synonym of recluse, shut-in, hermit, introvert, outsider, solitary, isolated, quarantined, sequestered, cloistered, solo, aloof.

"Surfer girls like Bar Rafaeli make the sexiest loners."

"Surfer girls like Bar Rafaeli make the sexiest loners."

(Low-nur)

*not to be confused with Lone Wolf*

Loners are a deeply varied bunch united by their disinterest, dislike, or dismay with the human race in general. The motivation to remain detached from society is contingent upon the specific loner you happen upon; however, you can count on any number of “tragedies” and “tribulations” stemming from the people who surrounded the loner in question long ago. As you might have guessed, these interactions didn’t pan out as planned.

"This loner is dreaming of friends while daydreaming."

"This loner is dreaming of friends while staring off into space."

Loners tend to use milestones like broken relationships, betrayals, abandonment, etc. as cracked lenses to view their lives through – not only does it justify staying angry, but it acts as a terrific excuse for any and every failure they encounter. Awesome, right?

"I hang my head because I'm always alone..."

"Loners reinforce their distrust of others by never interacting."

Jun
30

Knockers – noun, describing female anatomy, specifically breasts. Synonym of bags, boobs, boobies, bosom, breasts, bust, chest, chesty, jugs, mammaries, teats, tits, titties, funbags, sweater muffins, kittens, snuggle-bunnies, brumskis, tittle-bitties.

"Jennifer Love-Hewitt's knockers are so glorious, they should be sanctified."

"Jennifer Love-Hewitt's knockers are so glorious, they should be sanctified."

(Nok-ers)

Knockers is a term used to describe breasts large enough to collide with one another when in motion. For all you guys out there dating A-cups, sorry… those aren’t knockers… just teats. Now, if your honey has swayin’, swingin’, slappin’ boobies, you’ve got grade-A knockers on your hands, and in an ideal world, in your hands as well.

"These superb, and likely fake, knockers are well worth further investigation."

"These superb, and likely fake, knockers are well worth further investigation."

While boobs come in a variety of shapes, consistencies, sizes and weights knockers share one invariable condition: they stand out in every circumstance. If she’s wearing a 5″ thick sweater made of burlap and wool and you still see those mothers popping out, she’s got Knockers. If she’s wearing that skimpy 2-piece you like and there’s so much breast that you can’t see the material, you should count yourself amongst the lucky few enjoying substantial knockers.

Jun
30

Jailbait – noun/adjective, describing an individual’s age or referencing an individual under the age of sexual consent. Synonym of babe, youngin’, shorty, chicken-head, nursery schooler, wee tyke, little’un.

"Jailbait:She won't look like this when you're out in 20 years."

"Jailbait:She won't look like this when you're out in 20 years."

(Jale-bate)

1. Jailbait refers to a smoking-hot piece of ass that you just can’t touch. You cannot touch these hotties because doing so would land you in an 8 by 8 cell with Bubba, your new best friend, who’s only inclination is demonstrate his salad tossing skills (definition to come). Unless it’s your goal to spend the remainder of your sexually active years behind bars, my suggestion is look but don’t touch.

"I cain't wait to introduce you to the joys of prison livin'!"

"You my new jailbait roomie? I cain't wait to introduce you to the joys of prison livin'!"

2. Jailbait also refers to people under the reasonable dating age. You might think that she’s cute, or that he’s funny, but when you find out they’ll be carded and rejected from your favorite night spot, you should probably reconsider dating them. If you have to nurse your date to sleep, burp them, or clean their little bottoms, you certainly cannot have wild, unbridled sex with them. Also known as “Cradle Robbing.”

"Alec, wtf man. I'm not sure who's changing who's diaper tonight..."

"Alec, wtf man. I'm not sure who's changing who's diaper tonight..."

*Important Addendum – You should note that real jailbait is likely inexperienced and thus, no fun, in the sack.

Jun
28

ID10T – adjective, describing the user causing a computer problem. Synonym of blockhead, computer retard, cretin, idiot, ignoramus, imbecile, n00b, simpleton, twit, UI error.

Both guaranteed to be the source of hundreds of ID10T calls every year.

Both guaranteed to be the source of hundreds of ID10T calls every year.

(Eye-Dee-Ten-Tee) Origin – IT guys needed yet another way to insult your intelligence without you knowing.

If you’re not an IT expert, and you haven’t experienced trying to service a computer via telephonic troubleshooting – you may have never come across this hidden insult. The ID10T error is used as a prognosis on intermittent or inexplicable errors, typically caused by user malfunctions. Since it’s used in telephone troubleshooting – people rarely put the I D 10 & T together visually – and thus they miss the joke. Your troubleshooter just called you an idiot, and your solution is likely out of their ability to implement, or so simple that you just need to hit the power switch.

For the IT professional, ID10T calls are an enormous drain on their psyche – these are people who have little to no appreciation for the challenge of repairing the billions of little errors computers have daily. Simultaneously, ID10T users want their devices repaired instantaneously, compounding the problem for the tech.

"4 ID10T calls in one day, I need a damn drink..."

"4 ID10T calls in one day, I need a damn drink..."

Jun
27
Harry Potter is obviously horny for Hermione.

Harry Potter is obviously horny for Hermione.

Horny- adjective, describing sexual arousal or need.

(Hor-ni) Origin – Adam caught sight of Eve from a distance and realized all he wanted to do was tackle her. You do the rest of the math.

1. To be aroused by sexual cues from a consensual partner. It is not uncommon to sense a tension emanating from people who are horny for one another. Curing horniness relies on sexual gratification in some form: internalized, externalized, manifest, or imagined.

2. To be in a state of sexual need, often evoking uncontrollable lust, outbursts of irrationality, and a general irritability. Horny people like this have a look of desperation in their eyes, and typically catch themselves drooling accidentally when approached by an attractive individual. They are prone to become overly clingy when finally thrown a bone.

These two chicks are making me horny is every sense of the word.

These two chicks are making me horny is every sense of the word.

Jun
26

Grovel – verb, describing another’s actions, especially in terms of begging. Synonym of beg, beseech, cower, crawl, bootlick, bow and scrape, brown-nose, butter up, cater to, court, eat dirt, eat humble pie, fall all over, humble oneself, implore, kiss one’s feet, kowtow, prostrate, snivel, stoop, suck up to.

"Don't make me grovel more, I just need that sweet, sweet poonanny!"

"Don't make me grovel more, I just need that sweet, sweet poonanny!"

(Grah-vul)

1. Grovelling is the act of putting yourself at the mercy of others, especially during the act of apology or begging. To grovel is to literally beg at someone’s feet with your face down – an expression of abject failure, or complete submission. Usually men grovel at their women’s feet after being caught cheating, or forgetting their anniversary. Grovelling does work, as long as the violation isn’t so severe as to be unforgivable.

"President George W. Bush's farewell address was replete with grovelling."

"President George W. Bush's farewell address was replete with grovelling."

2. To grovel is to delight in a base lifestyle. Someone perfectly happy with living in squalid conditions, with nothing to their name, screaming profanities at passing cars is grovelling – or at least a hobo.

"Saddam's final free days were spent grovelling in a stinky, cramped fox hole."

"Saddam's final free days were spent grovelling in a stinky, cramped fox hole."

Jun
25

Freak – adjective, describing another’s personality. Synonym of aberration, anomaly, chimera, curiosity, grotesque, malformation, miscreation, misshape, monster, monstrosity, mutant, mutation, oddity, rarity, weirdo

*Not to be confused with: freaky, freakin’ it, phr34k*

"When that freak Michael Jackson died, the internet died along with him."

"When that freak Michael Jackson died, the internet died along with him."

1. Freaks are the people you cannot explain or understand. They defy rationality and logic, leaving anyone attempting to understand them completely dumbfounded. Being a freak is not an occasional condition, it is a life-long perspective, an attitude, and a lifestyle. Freaks typically classify themselves and embrace being freaks, at least once they reconcile their differences.

"Michael Jackson may have been a freak but he could rock a stage!"

"Michael Jackson may have been a freak but he could rock a stage!"

2. An individual that enjoys bizarre or uncommon sexual behaviors as a means to reach orgasm or sexual ecstasy. Occasionally enjoying freaky behavior does not make you a freak – it is a matter of consistency.

"Michael Jackson allegedly enjoyed touching little boys - that made him a freak."

"Michael Jackson allegedly enjoyed playing with little boys - that made him a freak."